Pubic hair is definitely a threatened species. These days when I go to do a pap smear, the sight of hair peeping out from under the sheet has become quite a curiosity.

The upsides of the hairless look? Hey! Far be it from me to extol the virtues of pubic baldness. But I’ve been seeing a few downsides from the Brazilian pandemic. As yet another patient hobbled in today with burnt labia, a raging groin infection and some red patches that were formerly covered by skin, the question arose; How does one detect a dodgy waxer and side step the Brazilian balls up?

Well, not that easily as it turns out. The beauty industry in most states is ‘self-regulated.’ So no nosy health department inspectors are compelling them to comply with inane techniques such as hand washing. In my state of NSW, there is actually an interesting law- under the Public Health (Skin Penetration) regulation, beauticians can be wrapped over the knuckles for… wait for it…. re-using wax! But that is about it as far a sanitation rules go. But that’s because the industry claims (truthfully) that nobody complains, so poor hygiene and dodgy wax jobs are clearly non-existent! That’s sure not the case in my surgery.

So girls, if your wax job makes your nether regions look worse than the Godzilla look you were originally trying to overcome, call your local Department of Health and make a complaint! Enough complaints about shoddy practices and someone will eventually have reason enough to amend the laws and make salons comply with some serious hygiene practices! If we don’t complain, nothing’s going to change!

In the meantime; you’re on your own. Walk into a salon and role the dice. Whether you decide to ask a girlfriend for a recommendation or you just like the music and wallpaper in the waiting room, it’s all a highly unscientific method of putting your privates in anyone’s hands.

Meanwhile, my tips;

1. Check out the floor!! Is the salon clean? If the floors and bench tops look spotless, chances are your beautician is washing her hands pretty thoroughly as well.
2. Less exy doesn’t always save you dough. Keeping a salon hygienic doesn’t come cheap. This might be a case of getting what you pay for.
3. My inner ageist is freaking out as I type this…. A seasoned beautician will PROBABLY have more experience and skills than a novice. If you suspect the girl heating the wax pot is under 18, you might want to wait for the boss….